A Photobook for Miss Willa

I've needed a project lately so I decided to make a book for Miss Willa...not sure if I will send this in a care package or just take it to China with me when we go to bring her home.  I will make her a few outfits as well in the near future ...it helps to be doing something while wait for her.

Well- I guess I could be DOING some laundry...Mags just came home from a church camping trip where their site was literally hit by a tornado...all are safe and sound but WHEW!  the smell when they opened that van to empty it!

Yep- laundry is definitely in my near future... if you're in the neighborhood...drop in and keep me company while I tackle the mountain!

First glimpses

These are the first pictures I have of my 3 youngest babies.

Oh- How I stared at these pictures...they are still stuck in little places all over the house...in mirror frames, on the fridge, on my nightstand.  I wanted to have their faces near me all the time...until I could hold their little bodies.

It is hard knowing we have a little girl waiting literally on the other side of the earth and we have no say in her care, no way to kiss her goodnight; just prayers sent on the night breeze and a feeling of connectedness every time I look up at the moon and know she sees the same moon. 

I am readying a care package this week so that I can send it just as soon as some of our paperwork comes through...what to send to a little girl you love so deeply but who has withstood so much loss and pain in her little life?  At this moment...she does not know she will have a family soon...no one has told her.  In fact- she is not waiting for us at all...she is living through her days with little hope...stoic...but soon, she will be told.  I can't wait to bring a smile to her face...and to hear her giggle.

Everyone...meet WillaJane NuoFen Clark

Jiayin designs...

Now I can wear my necklace without feeling like it's missing someone~

RubyFrances (YinHe)

GradyFletcher  (ZenAo)

WillaJane (NuoFen)

The charms came from JiaYin Designs and they are a joy to work with!  They have custom name charms, Chinese dolls & rabbits, and so many other precious items...all made in China!

Belonging

Not a day passes that I don't get a well meaning comment regarding my Asian kiddos---either regarding the fact that we actually adopted a BOY from China OR the fact that they look so much alike--am I SURE they're not biologically related?

Ok- I'll admit- the comments are not always well meaning. Sometimes they are insensitive and rude. They go something like this:


insensitive, rude dufus-"You're kids are sooo adorable. Are they related?" (in syrupy, sweet, oh-so-sincere voice)

me--"Yep--brother and sister." (Well- duh?!?!)

insensitive, rude dufus-"No- I mean REALLY related?" (Hmm why do you ask?)

me--"They are now." (get a clue--are they REALLY asking this IN FRONT OF my kids?)

insensitive, rude dufus-"But are they biologically brother & sister?"



Come on--this is just nosy and incredibly wrong to ask in front of a child...and sometimes I answer honestly and sometimes I ask why they want to know and sometimes I just roll my eyes and walk away.

I just don't have all my responses gelled in my mind yet but the longer I am home with my 2 precious critters- I'm getting better about knowing how to answer and educate people appropriately. Sure- there are folks who are plainly curious and want to be supportive or want to understand the process and then there are folks who just want to KNOW--they are rude and want the information because they are just plain NOSY and have no clue that they are being divisive and hurtful to my children. or do they just need to bolster their own sense of self esteem by discounting MY children's relationships? Is this some way of convincing themselves they are in some way superior?

But there will come a day when Ruby no longer remembers clearly the time we were gone to China to bring home her brother--she won't remember a time when she and Grady were not together. They are so TOGETHER now--and I am shown daily how perfect God's plan was in bringing these 2 little people together. But how will she feel to have a complete stranger asking such personal questions in the middle of the Publix produce section?

I've heard almost everything regarding my choices in growing my family...I say ALMOST because humanity never ceases to amaze me in its idiocy. (like the time some bumkin asked if I was going to teach Ruby to speak "'Merican"?) And most adoptive families can relate and we chuckle for the most part at the ignorance we encounter daily. It's usually benign but the older my children get, the less willing I am to share their personal stories. My children have rights to privacy and the idea that a stranger thinks they are privy to details just because they are obviously adopted is just plain dumb and disrespectful.


Here's how I KNOW Ruby & Grady are TRULLY related...please fell free to add your own to the list:

--they alternately hug and smack eachother in love & frustration routinely--and that means they often smack eachother in love AS WELL AS hug eachother in frustration

--they are teammates in mischief around my house.

--they MUST kiss and hug before leaving eachother or when greeting after being apart

--they holler their undying devotion whenever they catch a glimpse of eachother in the hallways or on the playground of their shared preschool.

--they share popsicles, cookies, juice, m&m's, etc

--they fight over popsicles, cookies, juice, m&m's, etc.

--they know eachother's quirks and weaknesses--like how to make G'man stop crying and what the other sleeps with at night for comfort

--Ruby plays the big sister/mama bear well. She tries to change his diaper, carry him around, douse him with deoderant, and place my contact lenses in his eyes. (I don't know why) and they are only a few pounds apart in weight.

--they will have eachother to share life experiences with and frustrations over their crazy parents when we are old.


I have a brother--and we are TIGHT- and these are just a few things that make us close and irreparably related. He has driven me crazy at times (crazy enough to scrub our shared toilet with his toothbrush when we were teenagers) but no matter what--he's mine and I'm his and that's such a cool feeling...the feeling of BELONGING. Isn't that the feeling we should ALL have when we are brothers and sisters in Christ--isn't that what a relationship with God offers? So that's all I want for my children. To belong to me, eachother, and most importantly- God. THAT kind of BELONGING surpasses genes, blood, & biology.

Genetics & Stereotypes

This is a subject often avoided by folks who like to call themselves politically correct. (Oh- BTW- that "ain't" me.) I tend to be more of the type to tell the truth--even when it would be more beneficial to just shut up. But as my 2 youngest kiddos assimilate into our family and their new culture- I am finding these scenarios coming up more and more often.

For instance- I was in Birmingham this week at our weekly orthopedic appointment to treat Grady's feet. This particular day, the clinic was backed up and we were waiting longer than usual to be seen. Usually, Ruby stays out in the large holding tank that is the waiting room but that day I had brought her back with me to hang out and entertain her little brother while we waited in the exam room. As the waiting stretched interminably ahead of us- I opened our exam room door--I figured we would vary our view as we waited as well as keep the staff reminded we were there--

So there happens to be an eye chart on the wall outside the door (in an orthopedic clinic?) and Ruby asks about it and proceeds to read the letters off the chart. She's 3 so in my experience that's a little precocious but not unheard of. A nurse standing near by appears flabbergasted--I mean, trully blown away. She walks over and asks how I "got her to do that"? (Like it was a circus trick--and believe me, a few of my kids really can perform feats of circus amazement) I was a little confused because she has been doing this for over a year so we're used to it. (She writes her name, as well) Ruby is petite- so she looks younger than she is but when she opens her mouth--the vocabulary that falls out is ...well...really amazing. And being obviously of foreign birth just begins the questions about when she learned English and "Can she still speak Mandarin?" SO a little conversation ensues about Ruby's knowledge of the alphabet. Really folks..I have a houseful of yungins--I don't do the flashcard thing and her daddy is the only one who regularly sits down with a book with her...but she does go to a precious, sweet preschool. And she's bright, I tell the nurse. Who then tells me she has a 3 year old daughter who is also bright and goes to preschool but she can't do that. Well- the dr finally comes in and the coversation moves over to G-man's feet (which are the mostest cutest things in the whole wide world and I love to talk about them) and we begin the casting and all the other stuff we drove 3 hours to Birmingham for.

The end of our allotted time with the medical expert arrives and we are waiting around in the room for another nurse to do some scheduling for us. In pops the first nurse who leans on the door frame with arms crossed and says, "No- really- is there some special program you're doing with her?" She is tenaceous. She WILL know what special tool I am using to make my child appear so advanced so she can go out and buy the same system for $19.95 at her local StuffMart. I see that I am not going to escape without sharing my secret. Darnit-

Here comes the politically incorrect part--(cover your ears if your sensitive)

Oh- let me just interrupt my own diatribe here to say- to those of us with adopted kiddos-- Isn't it cool when you can BRAG on your kids and not sound like you're touting your own genetic supremecy because they have NONE OF YOUR GENETICS? not a bit- not even one little gene.

ok- so back to the nurse and the spilling of secrets...and the system/program you cannot go out and BUY. I looks to her and I says..."Ruby is Chinese."

Yikes- I really said that. Because (& I am speaking from MY experience) Ruby is mine in every sense of the parental right of saying that. She is my daughter but she has NONE of my genetic material. She does not share my hair or eye color or even my sense of style (or lack therof). She CAME this way and you can't tell me that being the product of an institutional orphanage made her intelligent. Her head is flat on the back from lying in a crib 24/7 in that orphanage, for crying out loud although she DOES have some interesting survival skills she's honed. By the time we came to know eachother she had already passed MANY developmental milestones and her character and personality were WELL on their way to being cemented into her psyche.

I tell you this to say that I had nothing to do with making her "smart". She seems to meet most (ok- all) of the stereotypes for Asians that are popular. She is intelligent and she shows a beginning proficiency in music and gymnastics that surpasses children her age should have. There are also many other little idiosynchrasies that indicate that this child was not born of my womb. Ok- we knew that.

But above all else- Ruby was wonderfully made. Asian. And whatever else comes with that. I am always telling her that God made her perfect...even with her imperfections and defects. He also made her in another mama's tummy. But he made ME her forever mama. That's alot for a little person to KNOW.

So if it is a stereotype to be smart AND Asian....whose fault is that? God didn't create the stereotype--MAN did that all on his own. I do believe God made all of his people special--individually special to adapt and overcome the manifold situations they are placed in. So Asians are good at math...and Americans are good at...well...compromise. Now there's an uncomfortable stereotype. But why is it so taboo for a group of people to have a honed set of skills? I'm not as ignorant as I sound--I know that not all Asians are good at math or that not all people of color are good at basketball. That's a stupid assumption.

But I will not sit back and IGNORE the fact that my children were gifted by God with some pretty special stuff that happens to coincide with black hair and uncreased eyelids...because I'm afraid it will sound politically incorrect. We are--and want our kiddos to be--proud of who they are and the way God made them. Now, later, if Ruby should flunk algebra- I'll have to rewrite this post because at that point it will be certain that she DID TAKE AFTER HER MAMA and my point is moot.

Oh- so back to the nurse--she gave up.