Genetics & Stereotypes

This is a subject often avoided by folks who like to call themselves politically correct. (Oh- BTW- that "ain't" me.) I tend to be more of the type to tell the truth--even when it would be more beneficial to just shut up. But as my 2 youngest kiddos assimilate into our family and their new culture- I am finding these scenarios coming up more and more often.

For instance- I was in Birmingham this week at our weekly orthopedic appointment to treat Grady's feet. This particular day, the clinic was backed up and we were waiting longer than usual to be seen. Usually, Ruby stays out in the large holding tank that is the waiting room but that day I had brought her back with me to hang out and entertain her little brother while we waited in the exam room. As the waiting stretched interminably ahead of us- I opened our exam room door--I figured we would vary our view as we waited as well as keep the staff reminded we were there--

So there happens to be an eye chart on the wall outside the door (in an orthopedic clinic?) and Ruby asks about it and proceeds to read the letters off the chart. She's 3 so in my experience that's a little precocious but not unheard of. A nurse standing near by appears flabbergasted--I mean, trully blown away. She walks over and asks how I "got her to do that"? (Like it was a circus trick--and believe me, a few of my kids really can perform feats of circus amazement) I was a little confused because she has been doing this for over a year so we're used to it. (She writes her name, as well) Ruby is petite- so she looks younger than she is but when she opens her mouth--the vocabulary that falls out is ...well...really amazing. And being obviously of foreign birth just begins the questions about when she learned English and "Can she still speak Mandarin?" SO a little conversation ensues about Ruby's knowledge of the alphabet. Really folks..I have a houseful of yungins--I don't do the flashcard thing and her daddy is the only one who regularly sits down with a book with her...but she does go to a precious, sweet preschool. And she's bright, I tell the nurse. Who then tells me she has a 3 year old daughter who is also bright and goes to preschool but she can't do that. Well- the dr finally comes in and the coversation moves over to G-man's feet (which are the mostest cutest things in the whole wide world and I love to talk about them) and we begin the casting and all the other stuff we drove 3 hours to Birmingham for.

The end of our allotted time with the medical expert arrives and we are waiting around in the room for another nurse to do some scheduling for us. In pops the first nurse who leans on the door frame with arms crossed and says, "No- really- is there some special program you're doing with her?" She is tenaceous. She WILL know what special tool I am using to make my child appear so advanced so she can go out and buy the same system for $19.95 at her local StuffMart. I see that I am not going to escape without sharing my secret. Darnit-

Here comes the politically incorrect part--(cover your ears if your sensitive)

Oh- let me just interrupt my own diatribe here to say- to those of us with adopted kiddos-- Isn't it cool when you can BRAG on your kids and not sound like you're touting your own genetic supremecy because they have NONE OF YOUR GENETICS? not a bit- not even one little gene.

ok- so back to the nurse and the spilling of secrets...and the system/program you cannot go out and BUY. I looks to her and I says..."Ruby is Chinese."

Yikes- I really said that. Because (& I am speaking from MY experience) Ruby is mine in every sense of the parental right of saying that. She is my daughter but she has NONE of my genetic material. She does not share my hair or eye color or even my sense of style (or lack therof). She CAME this way and you can't tell me that being the product of an institutional orphanage made her intelligent. Her head is flat on the back from lying in a crib 24/7 in that orphanage, for crying out loud although she DOES have some interesting survival skills she's honed. By the time we came to know eachother she had already passed MANY developmental milestones and her character and personality were WELL on their way to being cemented into her psyche.

I tell you this to say that I had nothing to do with making her "smart". She seems to meet most (ok- all) of the stereotypes for Asians that are popular. She is intelligent and she shows a beginning proficiency in music and gymnastics that surpasses children her age should have. There are also many other little idiosynchrasies that indicate that this child was not born of my womb. Ok- we knew that.

But above all else- Ruby was wonderfully made. Asian. And whatever else comes with that. I am always telling her that God made her perfect...even with her imperfections and defects. He also made her in another mama's tummy. But he made ME her forever mama. That's alot for a little person to KNOW.

So if it is a stereotype to be smart AND Asian....whose fault is that? God didn't create the stereotype--MAN did that all on his own. I do believe God made all of his people special--individually special to adapt and overcome the manifold situations they are placed in. So Asians are good at math...and Americans are good at...well...compromise. Now there's an uncomfortable stereotype. But why is it so taboo for a group of people to have a honed set of skills? I'm not as ignorant as I sound--I know that not all Asians are good at math or that not all people of color are good at basketball. That's a stupid assumption.

But I will not sit back and IGNORE the fact that my children were gifted by God with some pretty special stuff that happens to coincide with black hair and uncreased eyelids...because I'm afraid it will sound politically incorrect. We are--and want our kiddos to be--proud of who they are and the way God made them. Now, later, if Ruby should flunk algebra- I'll have to rewrite this post because at that point it will be certain that she DID TAKE AFTER HER MAMA and my point is moot.

Oh- so back to the nurse--she gave up.