Belonging

Not a day passes that I don't get a well meaning comment regarding my Asian kiddos---either regarding the fact that we actually adopted a BOY from China OR the fact that they look so much alike--am I SURE they're not biologically related?

Ok- I'll admit- the comments are not always well meaning. Sometimes they are insensitive and rude. They go something like this:


insensitive, rude dufus-"You're kids are sooo adorable. Are they related?" (in syrupy, sweet, oh-so-sincere voice)

me--"Yep--brother and sister." (Well- duh?!?!)

insensitive, rude dufus-"No- I mean REALLY related?" (Hmm why do you ask?)

me--"They are now." (get a clue--are they REALLY asking this IN FRONT OF my kids?)

insensitive, rude dufus-"But are they biologically brother & sister?"



Come on--this is just nosy and incredibly wrong to ask in front of a child...and sometimes I answer honestly and sometimes I ask why they want to know and sometimes I just roll my eyes and walk away.

I just don't have all my responses gelled in my mind yet but the longer I am home with my 2 precious critters- I'm getting better about knowing how to answer and educate people appropriately. Sure- there are folks who are plainly curious and want to be supportive or want to understand the process and then there are folks who just want to KNOW--they are rude and want the information because they are just plain NOSY and have no clue that they are being divisive and hurtful to my children. or do they just need to bolster their own sense of self esteem by discounting MY children's relationships? Is this some way of convincing themselves they are in some way superior?

But there will come a day when Ruby no longer remembers clearly the time we were gone to China to bring home her brother--she won't remember a time when she and Grady were not together. They are so TOGETHER now--and I am shown daily how perfect God's plan was in bringing these 2 little people together. But how will she feel to have a complete stranger asking such personal questions in the middle of the Publix produce section?

I've heard almost everything regarding my choices in growing my family...I say ALMOST because humanity never ceases to amaze me in its idiocy. (like the time some bumkin asked if I was going to teach Ruby to speak "'Merican"?) And most adoptive families can relate and we chuckle for the most part at the ignorance we encounter daily. It's usually benign but the older my children get, the less willing I am to share their personal stories. My children have rights to privacy and the idea that a stranger thinks they are privy to details just because they are obviously adopted is just plain dumb and disrespectful.


Here's how I KNOW Ruby & Grady are TRULLY related...please fell free to add your own to the list:

--they alternately hug and smack eachother in love & frustration routinely--and that means they often smack eachother in love AS WELL AS hug eachother in frustration

--they are teammates in mischief around my house.

--they MUST kiss and hug before leaving eachother or when greeting after being apart

--they holler their undying devotion whenever they catch a glimpse of eachother in the hallways or on the playground of their shared preschool.

--they share popsicles, cookies, juice, m&m's, etc

--they fight over popsicles, cookies, juice, m&m's, etc.

--they know eachother's quirks and weaknesses--like how to make G'man stop crying and what the other sleeps with at night for comfort

--Ruby plays the big sister/mama bear well. She tries to change his diaper, carry him around, douse him with deoderant, and place my contact lenses in his eyes. (I don't know why) and they are only a few pounds apart in weight.

--they will have eachother to share life experiences with and frustrations over their crazy parents when we are old.


I have a brother--and we are TIGHT- and these are just a few things that make us close and irreparably related. He has driven me crazy at times (crazy enough to scrub our shared toilet with his toothbrush when we were teenagers) but no matter what--he's mine and I'm his and that's such a cool feeling...the feeling of BELONGING. Isn't that the feeling we should ALL have when we are brothers and sisters in Christ--isn't that what a relationship with God offers? So that's all I want for my children. To belong to me, eachother, and most importantly- God. THAT kind of BELONGING surpasses genes, blood, & biology.